Lagging indicators & the Law of Averages

A good deal has changed over the last few days. Inevitably, just like life in general, some has been good and some less good; some enjoyable and some more of a battle; some successful and some less successful.

I returned to work, part-time, last week. My consultant agreed to this, providing I adhered to a number of caveats which he, not unreasonably, imposed. Those restrictions are in place entirely for my own protection, a principle I understand and accept. He said I would be tired, and I was! But I want to say that the two things which will remain in my mind most clearly about my first couple of days back in my 'normal' environment were both entirely positive. First, although it was a challenge, I enjoyed it and second, people were very welcoming and accepting; no judgements, no whispers, no strange knowing glances!

The level of tiredness engendered by returning to work has taken me by surprise. This has, inevitably, raised my levels of anxiety but this in itself, I acknowledge is not the sole domain of the recovering mental health patient. Anyone who is tired finds the difficult things more difficult, the easy things less easy.

I have taken to 'scoring' each day, my preferred method being percentages. A perfect day would be 100% (is there such a thing?) a reasonable, half-decent day around 50%. But this is only a relative measure and it is important to remain positive and say, for example, 'OK, today was only 50% but yesterday was 40% - that represents an improvement of 25%!'

But don't allow me to get bogged down in numbers again for followers of this blog know where my main symptomatic anxieties lie!

Nevertheless, using a relative measure (such as the percentage model) for looking at life is a valuable tool as long as one uses it to show improvement over time and identify weaknesses to work on. It should not become an obsessive tool to which one becomes enslaved; if you check the FTSE (returning to a familiar theme) every five minutes you are digging a hole for yourself - check it less often and more accurate trends will be revealed.

So what accurate trends have I revealed using this relativist model of self-analysis? That I am moving in the right direction, sometimes only limping but the right direction nevertheless; that I am feeling more positive about myself and hope that in time my self-esteem will improve - the trouble with self-esteem, to use a current economic 'buzz phrase', is that it is a 'lagging indicator'!

Despite the occasional 'limp and lag' the law of averages tells me that my percentages are rising over time and the hard work and investment appear to be bringing in a small dividend! Long may it continue.