Two steps forward, one step backwards.

Just an update.  I was doing quite well considering I had to move and start a new job.  But the stock market getting bouncy has triggered all my old anxieties and a few new ones into the bargain and I got 'bouncy' as well!  Not pleasant.

I am trying to remain positive and whilst discussing the stock market I have come to the conclusion there's no point tyring to convince myself these triggers (financial headlines) are easy to cope with and challenge with positive thinking, they're not.  So let me make a direct comparison.  Sure, the ftse has had a hard time lately but where is it compared to two years ago - much higher.  Of course, it's a lot lower than last month but, like my battle with anxiety and depression, it is probably two steps forward one step back.  The economic recovery will be slow and a bit bouncy - but this is better than a sudden huge increase in fortunes followed by a large drop, what has been called 'boom and bust'.  I know there will be casualties along the way and this will always be sad and tragic but sometimes one has to look at the bigger picture.  And the bigger picture of my own recovery is also two steps forward and one step back - but right now it feels like the opposite.

Sometimes we have to hold on for a bumpy ride but it's a ride that will get less bumpy as time goes on, whether it's the economy or my own recovery.  But I'm not saying it isn't painful on the days you're pegged back, it's very painful.

Right now my anxiety levels are about 9 out of 10 and that's not good.  So I am going to hold onto the kind, patient and gentle advice of a couple of very close friends who say 'hang on in there', my sons prospects are good (I'm not going to reherase the old arguments, if you follow the blog you've read them before and typing them out again makes me more anxious even though it's designed to do the opposite) and my employment is secure.

I'm off to try and believe what my clearer minded friends tell me and hopefully then to use that to encourage me to smile, enjoy daily life and count my blessings.

If you're reading this and your recovery is presently bumpy my prayers and thoughts are with you.