'Episodes' and the mundane

I didn't blog yesterday - my apologies for that but to be quite frank I didn't feel I had much to say and I wanted a little time to think. Having to say something doesn't necessarily mean you have something useful to say! So I didn't.

The truth is yesterday was an ordinary day. For someone trying to recovery from an 'episode' of poor mental health it is often the routine and the mundane which can be the most troubling. I have already blogged about the significance of just getting up and getting on - that is to say, whilst it is positive and healing to try and find momentum, it can also be excruciatingly difficult.

I like the noun 'episode'. My CPN used it in an e-mail to me this last week and it made me think. He was trying to encourage me to see this period of illness as one episode of my life and one, I might add, that can produce enhanced strength of character. But that enhancement is not of immediate consolation but it is one that will (I am being positive saying 'will' not 'might') only be experienced in the fullness of time.

Yesterday's episode was mundane and that was its biggest challenge. Today's is a little better. My anxieties feel just as real, despite the continuing reassurances of those closest to me that they are quite unfounded, but they feel a little more manageable. I hope that is of some reassurance to my fellow strugglers. I also hope the feeling continues tomorrow!

Most of life is mundane, although that is not to say it is of no value. Mental health sufferers find the mundane particularly difficult because watching others can be so challenging. Simply put, it is hard to watch others 'getting up and getting on' with relative ease when you hardly feel able to tie your own shoelaces. I suppose it is a bit like the morning after a bereavement, one cannot understand how people can go for the paper or queue for a bus.

Then as you begin to see the sun through the clouds a little (to return to my weather analogy) you realise that what you see isn't always what you get. I have begun to realise that those who appear to deal with the mundane with greater poise and purpose than I have managed over the last few months, may actually be fellow sufferers - they may be silent, they may feel unable to ask for help, they may be much worse off than I am, I simply don't know. I know I am surrounded by those who love me, even though I am often unsure why they love me; I have good medical care; my employer is patient and supportive; I have wonderful friends.

So what do I know? Today, having thought it through for a couple of days, I know that the mundane is an opportunity to look around and be grateful. Those of us who suffer 'episodes' of poor mental health may be much more fortunate than we realise.

During this week ahead I am going to try and be more grateful and produce, if you like, more of my own sunshine. I leave the last words today to Celia Thaxter. the 19th Century poet and author.

There shall be eternal summer in the grateful heart.