I am learning that one of the most challenging facets of mental health is that it has periods of apparently circular motion. What I mean is that time and time again the same symptoms pop up and they usually do so just as you thought you were feeling a little stronger. Even as your health begins to improve you still feel trapped in a vicious circle of anxiety. At least for me that is certainly true.
Emotionally this is very difficult to deal with. A recurrence of my chronic anxiety, just as I have started to feel stronger, is frightening because it feels as though it undermines the recovery I had hoped for and had begun to trust and believe may actually, in time, be possible.
Looking more widely others will glean small improvements only to see you apparently regress. It can seem that all the good work is unravelling.
Today this is exactly my experience. I have had a couple of much better days and felt encouraged to believe the light at the end of the tunnel was getting a little larger. Put another way, and returning yet again to my weather analogy, the sunshine seemed more regular. I had two visits from close friends both of whom said I looked much better.
As I have begun to have some better days I have got used to the sunshine and I like it. The challenge is to keep believing that the sun will continue to appear regularly and that the cloudy days will decrease in frequency. I might say that one sunny day doesn't make a whole summer. At the same time I must believe that a few cloudy days doesn't mean I am no longer recovering.
I am looking out of the window now and it has started to pour with rain. Encouragingly I can also see bright sunshine trying to break through again an excellent metaphor to conclude today's offering!
No comments:
Post a Comment