An even keel

I had a great holiday; the whole family had a great holiday. For me just being away was therapeutic and the slow pace of life on the canals was a wholly positive experience. The times when I needed some space we just stopped the boat, I got off with my faithful spaniel and we walked together along the towpath for miles. Even the weather was pretty good.

I did not want to come home. Being away in such a positive and therapeutic environment was such a 'breath of fresh air' that I have found normal life very challenging again. My old anxieties have been thrown into sharp focus such is the contrast with the state of my mind whilst on holiday. But one can't stay on holiday for ever.

I am also learning that when I think rationally about one problem (for me, as I have said, my anxieties are all about finances, will my pension be enough when I come to retire, when I leave my present employment will there be work for me, how will my sons cope with university and student loans) I can often find a way of reasoning with myself to alleviate the anxiety even, on occasion, significantly diminishing the anxiety in my mind. But as soon as that has happened another one creeps in 'under the radar' and I am filled with self-doubt all over again - sometimes the anxiety creates such fear I experience nausea. This has been very bad since returning from holiday. When I was on holiday I was much calmer and less anxious but, as I have already said, I can't stay on holiday for ever!

For the time being I am trying to get back on an even keel (as opposed to a canal boat keel!). My long suffering family have been kindness and patience personified.