My consultant has agreed to let me go back to work, albeit initially part-time. This is the point towards which I have been working for weeks and now it is almost here I am excited but frightened all at the same time! I am excited because the more of normal life one engages with the more 'normal' one is encouraged to feel. Frightened? Well, frightened because it is a big challenge but more so because I am aware that there are still many underlying issues to deal with in therapy over next next months and possibly longer.
Perhaps that is a precise reflection of 'normal' life; that parts of our life encourage us at the same time as feeling that all is not necessarily well under the surface. Let's face it, it is not always mental health patients (recovering or not) who feel this emotionally testing dichotomy. I add this as I would be uncomfortable if anyone following this blog felt I had turned myself into a victim - that is the last thing I want to be as I strive to get my life back on track.
My friends and family have been patient and non-judgemental. I have no evidence to suggest my working colleagues will be any different and I hope and pray that their attitudes towards me will be equally generous.
In the meantime I am getting on with my therapies (as suggested by my consultant and CPN), running everyday (at the same time as hoping I don't pick up an injury!) and rejoicing that despite the overwheleming anxieties I still suffer daily I am making progress. I was warned it wold take a long time, however, I have learned that praying for patience is an utterly counter-productive exercise as all that happens is God makes you wait! Thanks for that!
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