A room with a (different) view

As my recovery from my breakdown continues I have become aware of certain associations which I find distressing. Looking back on the day I was taken to hospital there is only one thing that is absolutely clear in my mind - I remember my surroundings vividly. It was a day that I genuinely could not get out of bed, hard to believe maybe, but it was as close to physically impossible as having two broken legs. How can rising be so traumatic? I guess that is mental breakdown for you.

I like my sleep and our bed is warm and comfortable. But every time I wake, and I still, rather irritatingly, wake three or four times a night, my environment reminds me of my illness. At least I see now that it does; until the last few days I hadn't understood why I became so distressed on waking so often.

I found a reference to this phenomenon (although I concede it feels less than phenomenal!) in a book my mother kindly gave me called Self-help for your nerves. The solution suggested was unnervingly simple: move things around a bit!

I talked to my wife about this and she kindly agreed to 'give it a go' if it might help me. We moved a chest of drawers, slightly changed the position of the bed, moved the television six inches to the left and added a couple of pictures to the walls.

Anybody reading this who, like me, is recovering from a serious mental health episode and who similarly finds negative associations distressing and counter-productive to (mental) healing I recommend this simple approach. Today I haven't had a good day at all really but shortly I shall make a mug of hot chocolate, my favourite night-time tipple, and go to my bed confident that some of the automatic associations have been removed and that that will allow me to rest slightly easier and be less afraid of waking. I am hoping, therefore, that those famous words of John Steinbeck are realised for me:

It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it.

I hope, very much, that this will be of some help to those following the blog. Sleep well!