Thursday was a pretty good day; yesterday and today not so good. So my blog this evening is a simple reflection of the fact that for those of us who suffer with mental health issues some days are better than others and it is not always possible to know why. I imagine that if I knew why, on waking, a good day instinctively felt so I would ask for a repeat prescription rather than the cocktail of medication I currently imbibe!
It is true to say that everybody, absolutely everybody, sometimes wakes up, utters a profanity or expletive (or both) and rolls over wishing the day would go away. We all have bad days. But if you are fortunate not to suffer with depression and anxiety like me, I hope that this might help demythologise what might appear to the uninitiated just 'a bad day' but to the mental health sufferer appears to be the north face of the Eiger. A bad day, simply put, can be absolutely terrifying. I am not trying to talk anything up, it isn't always terrifying but it can be.
I wholeheartedly welcome the new national initiative Time to Change. I saw the advertisement on television again today and was reminded how marginalised mental health sufferers can feel. 'You just need to get a grip' is a popular phrase used by the unknowing towards the suffering. It isn't really anybody's fault but it is true to say that unless you have suffered you can't even begin to discern the depths of fear that depression and anxiety can generate.
On a day when I wake and, for an inexplicable reason the day ahead is a terrifying prospect, 'getting a grip' is something I can only dream of; just like trying to catch bubbles, the nearer they come the more tantalisingly attractive they are but as soon as you reach out to touch one, 'pop', it's gone!
I hope and pray that I will never cease reaching out for those bubbles in the hope that one day soon they won't all go 'pop'! Further, I am honour bound to record here that of all the people I have met who, like me, suffer from poor mental health, not a single one of them who wouldn't 'get a grip' if they could. So please, if you are in good mental health, please heed the national initiative Time to Change and please do accept that if it was as easy as just 'getting a grip' we would have!
Thanks for sharing the journey thus far. The link for Time to Change is on the right - do please take a look.
I feel compelled to quote from the beautiful text "Desiderata" written by Max Ehrmann in 1927. "Be gentle with yourself, you are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here." Reading through your most recent blogs, I have noticed that you have begun to question, in an analytical way, the efficacy of your new found interest in running. In doing so, I believe you are unconsciously attempting to deprive yourself of an otherwise enjoyable pursuit. Consequently, you are not being gentle with yourself. If it feels good, don't question it, but enjoy it! Running is perfectly legal and I am confident it will prove to be part of the recovery process. Try not to question your motives and the feel-good factor but, instead, promise yourself you won't become your own analyst. Such physical pursuits will only become obsessive if you convince yourself they are going to. Trust your loved ones. They will be the best judges of whether your desires to become fitter (and well again!) are likely to become obsessive or not. In the meantime, no ifs, buts or maybes... "just" do it, and enjoy the experiences it brings. Sincere Best Wishes David
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