Self-help

Those who have suffered periods of poor mental health know only too well that whilst self-help is the best help of all, it is also the hardest to achieve. This is a particularly apposite observation as I learned today that my CPN is moving to a new job. This disturbed me considerably as we get on, I trust him and his clinical care of me has been hugely infuential in helping me to make positive progress - although it sometimes feels like one step backwards for each two forward steps and sometimes the opposite! Driving back from my consultation with him this morning I reflected on the fact that I ought not to feel more vulnerable as a result of the news he has to move to a new job, because what he has actually helped me to do is to oil the (metaphorical) tools in my mental health toolbox and get some of them working again.

Whilst I have been unwell I have found it easy to interpret people's actions and/or words as wholly negative, as though when words are not carefully chosen or something goes awry it was done deliberately to hurt me and impede my recovery. Driving back today made I realised that this is rubbish, to be blunt! Ignorant and afraid people sometimes say and do cruel and hurtful things and they sometimes do so consciously and calculatingly; the stigma attached to mental health issues makes this almost inevitable. However, part of self-help is trying hard not to be paranoid, rolling with the punches a little when necessary and learning to trust one's own judgement again.

My CPN may be moving to a new job soon, and I do sincerely and genuinely wish him all the best, but now I know he is leaving I realise how much he has taught me about self-help, how much progress that has enabled me to make and how much more hope that gives me for the long term. Oh yes, he also said the side effects of my new medication shouldn't last long (see my last blog) so fingers crossed!