Doing the 'opposite'

As I read back over yesterday's post I am struck by a few things.  None of them are particularly positive.  That is to say as I read over the text I  observe a 'me' I don't like very much.  I blogged truthfully, I said what I felt and I felt what I said but nevertheless I am left with a strong feeling that I have painted a picture of myself that is none too pretty - for the first time since I began my blog I feel I have presented myself as a little self-indulgent, an impression of self-pity.

That was not my intention and if anyone else read it that way please accept my apologies.  And to those who left comments (here and on facebook) thank you - thank you for replying as honestly as I tried to blog.

As a result of these reflections I have tried to get up with a more positive attitude.  Those who struggle with depression and anxiety know that is very easy to say and very difficult to do. The deeper the anxiety the more difficult it is to challenge.

Followers of this blog know I have to move house because my job in the army has changed and the second word of 'posting order' is 'order'!  Is morale low - yes.  Is the move this time a fearful event (at least in my mind) - yes, of course it is!  But I have taken on board some excellent (but frankly terrifying) advice given to me by my psychologist - to treat my anxiety almost as a person.  And when feeling low (as I have been lately, in particular, worrying about my son - student loan, job prospects etc. - despite the advice and assurance of those who know us both who say my anxiety is almost certainly unfounded) to do the opposite of what the anxiety expects and demands of me.

What did it demand of me this morning?  To give up, not bother and do nothing.  Oh yes, let's not forget a large measure of self-pity thrown into today's 'misery pot'!

So I've tried to follow the advice I have been given.  I got up - well, come on, it's a good start.  I've been outside all day in the fresh air although the sun has been mostly cloud hidden.  I've got a lot of practical things done ready to move and I can see the results of my labour.

Most importantly doing the 'opposite' has made me feel a lot more positive.  Simple as.  My hope and my prayer is that this may encourage me to believe that my anxieties are unfounded and I start to feel better about myself with a degree of consistency.