Patience, time, faith, family and friends

They do say that patience is a virtue. The need for patience when you have long term problems with your mental health is one of those unfortunate non-negotiables! An ankle broken in a particular place will normally take a certain amount of time to heal but much of the time I have been working on improving my mental health (with the support of the medical team caring for me) the time required for 'healing' has been a frustratingly amorphous concept.

Simply put, in the short term why do I have a couple of good days followed by three or four bad days; in the long term will I ever feel completely confident that I am over the worst and am unlikely to regress?

It is utterly unnerving to make progress and then to drop back again. One feels the hard work has been pointless and that a day of 'duvet ducking' beckons! But it doesn't and it shouldn't!

I have no idea when I will feel completely well again and, yes, I am frightened that it may never happen. But I have to keep trying and I have to keep believing. I am struggling with the length of time this is taking and what feels like the rather nebulous time form of my illness. But my family and friends have stood by me. Although I am certain it has been incredibly tough for those who are sharing the journey that is my recovery from mental breakdown, they have stayed with me. they have shown me nothing but love, patience, compassion and understanding. In a single word they have shown faith in me and continue to do so.

Here is but one excellent example. For a period of time today my blog seemed to have dissappeared and I am not sure why. A close friend texted me to say where was my blog and, more importanly, was I ok? Kindness like that has been one of the things that has kept me going. The concern of those close to me is what I try and hold onto when I lose faith in myself.

To all those who have stood by me and still do, thank you for keeping me going when I couldn't do it for myself. Thank you, in advance, for all the times in the future when you will undoubtedly do it again and again. And thank you for continuing to show faith in me when I have absolutely none in myself.