A friend got in touch last night and asked if I was ok on account of the fact that I haven't blogged for a week. A fair question as my stated aim when I began was to blog most days. The truth is last week I was working hard on, shall we say, 'moving the bar up'. By that I mean trying to challenge myself to, metaphorically, jump a little higher.
I have been running a lot, 4 miles every day, and now average around 33 minutes for this distance - not bad for 47! It could be worse, I could be only 33 (I wish) and running 4 miles in 47 minutes! There is no doubt that exercise improves both mind and body and even on my bad days a run does help clear my mind for a little while.
Last week then was about 60% good which is excellent compared to February when I went into hospital. Why then, I wonder, was the weekend so full of anxiety? Yesterday was awful and it was triggered by that rather pompous CBI chap saying students should pay more for their education and the concomitant worry for me about my son starting his undergraduate studies next year. Of course my worry was out of proportion (and rationally I know that) as it was only a recommendation from one body and any review is unlikely to take place until after the next General Election but those of you who have followed this blog will know that for me, rational or irrational, my anxiety is almost always about finances.
But why, when I have successfully 'pushed the bar up, do I still relapse and why are those relapses so painful? Perhaps it is a symptom of gradually getting better (see my previous blog on the FTSE). For the time being I am going to try and believe that and try to keep pushing the bar up even further and remember that when breaking the high jump world record the bar gets knocked off many times before the new height is finally cleared.
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